Last fall we would always go to this spot and it is my special little spot. The walk there is stunning and its this little lawn with no one ever on it, and rarely anyone walks by. It has this pretty tree with bright red leaves and a view of the city. We walked there with the kids the other morning and let them run around with their pup for a while and find the brightest leaves. Atticus tried to help Rosie “run” and when she can finally run around with him, he will be in heaven!!
A few posts ago I told you guys how I wanted to start a new series of things I want to do better and work on that month! So I figured once a month I would share what I am working on 🙂 I asked you guys to name the series and I loved all your suggestions and decided to go with “From The Heart”!
So for my first. I have to admit that when I first heard that doctor say that I needed to have the lump removed and tested I was like.. wait! What if I am not going to live to be 100 and walk around wearing red lipstick and faux fur coats pushing my walker next to my Davey?!?! While I knew it was probably nothing I did realize some things I would love to change 🙂 (PS in case you didn’t see on snapchat, the oncology report came back and said it was a fibroadenoma (a non cancerous tumor)) So I am starting this series with this first post! Sorry if my thoughts are ALL over the place, organizing thoughts is not my strong suit. Oh and please try your best to ignore typos and run on sentences 🙂 🙂 🙂
I grew up as a very insecure girl. This was due to a few things that I am not going to get into but basically I was overly insecure through junior high and high school. I would say that I probably struggled with depression in junior high but didn’t really realize it. It is hard to know at such a young age if you are sad, if everyone is sad this much, if you are depressed, are these thoughts normal, etc. because I don’t know that anyone at school would have guessed. I never talked to anyone about the things I had going on in my life and would just pretend like everything was fine. It wasn’t until I was in a communications class in college that my teacher shared a statistic with us about mental health/depression/thoughts you have about yourself and I thought, gosh I need to change this! Something clicked in me and I think the combination of living in a new state on my own and feeling like I got to “start over” helped me a ton. But until that point I was always sooo worried about what people thought, to the point where I wouldn’t try new things or say hi to people or make new friends because I was so worried what they would think. Now fast forward to a few years ago and I had this moment of realizing…. how many people from high school do I hang out with today? Most people from my high school I do not know where they live, what they are doing, etc etc… and why did I care so much what those people thought? What does their opinion even matter now? And I regret caring so much because no one cared what I was doing, no one cared what I was wearing, or what my hair looked like. Get over yourself Amber!!! 😉 but seriously.
Especially with all of the social media filth, internet trolls, and people just looking to ruin a stranger’s day on social media its super important for me to have good thoughts constantly so they don’t get to me. I am in a great place where mean comments genuinely don’t get to me.. mostly because like I said about the people in high school, I don’t want to look back on this social media era and think, why did I waste my 20’s caring what strangers said about my parenting or my outfit or how I look?? What really matters is how my husband and kids, friends and family see me. And i want my kids to look at me as a happy mom who didn’t get mad at an annoying customer service agent (we have all been there, right?), or who didn’t say bad things about other people. And I want my kids to remember being (overall) happy, especially through junior high and high school. There are certain things I do now that help me stay happy and I wish I could have learned to do these things earlier on and I also just want to step up my game and make sure Atticus sees a good example of how to be positive. I hate to admit it but I think deep down my mind wants to be negative so I feel like I have to train my brain.
I just want to be more patient with everything in life. Whether its a delayed flight, a missed train, a tantrum.. or two.. or three in one day, or anything I just want my kids to remember me as a patient person. And I definitely could use some work in that area. Sometimes a delayed flight will bug me so bad that I notice it affects my whole mood which affects how I interact with the kids and how I react to everything else. And sometimes if David and I get in a tiff I let me being annoyed linger longer than I needed to. Its okay to have a dumb argument and just drop it and go back to life as normal. David is good at being annoyed for a minute and snapping out of it and moving on quickly and I really admire that about him. So I am trying to be better at that this month. And just being overall happy. Because sometimes I sit there with my family and think – this is soooo good and they are so good, why would I ever be anything but happy?!?! Okay hard to think like that when you’re running late for church, the dog is barking, you can’t find the steamer, your daughter spills a water bottle on her outfit that you just put her in, you go to call an uber and your phone is dead, and so on. But you get the point. This life is really really really great. Comments and likes on instagram and snapchats and “goals” and outfits and money and negative opinions don’t actually matter. Family is everything and feeling good about yourself and life is everything. Life is so much better with happy thoughts.
A few ways I stay happy are…
- Make others feel good. I think how you make other people feel says a lot about you. Make people feel awesome.
- Compliment yourself too. I try to tell myself things I like about myself physically and personality/talents/etc. This is kinda hard because I think girls are naturally inclined to point out things we want to change! I think its good to look in the mirror and be like “ya know what, I have some great legs!” or whatever. I don’t think this is conceited or narcissistic I think its called appreciating yourself. I was so bad at acknowledging my talents growing up because I wasn’t good at physical activities that are more easily seen at that age. Its good to notice talents and things about yourself even if they are little things not seen by others.
- Avoid negative people. Its really draining to me to have a friend that is constantly talking negatively about people or someone who just brings the mood down. I love hanging out with friends that inspire me to be better because they are such good people.
- Unfollow spree. All the time I get negative comments from people who I can tell genuinely do not like me. I totally get it (I get the not liking someone–not the mean commenting part) because I have not liked people on social media before. Not because I was jealous, but sometimes you just don’t like someone or they bug you and thats normal. But I am always left so confused why they continue to follow me. Its like people enjoy following people they hate. Unfollow all of those people and I promise your days will feel happier. Social media is meant to keep up with people you enjoy and to inspire and make you feel good.
- Service. Anytime I was sad growing up my dad would tell me to go serve other people until I forgot about myself. Works every time. Such an easy thing that I forget about a lot.
- Reading “cheesy” quotes. Okay, I don’t think they are cheesy I actually love reading quotes and things like that on pinterest or tumblr. They genuinely do help me. And I do believe in having a mantra of some sort for the day.
- Looking around. Sometimes when I am annoyed about something if you just realize the good in your life you realize how trivial everything else is. Its good to just slow down and take a second to think about the good.
Okay thats all! And this was officially the longest post ever! Hope you guys have a good day and heres to trying to be more patient this month! xoxoxoxo
PS Not saying we all have to be butterflies and rainbows all the time! Everyone is entitled to a day/days of feeling crummy for no reason or being sad about something that happened. I am just sharing how I try to keep MOST days happy 😉 xo