How to Be Grateful During Trials
BY LUCI WORMELL
This blog post is going to get a little personal in the beginning. I have to tell you a story first. It is not the happiest of stories but I believe it will help someone out there to know that they are not alone. If you follow me on Instagram, you would already know what have been going on in our family for the past month.
The story begins here: After many days and nights of discussion, my husband and I were on the same page about having another baby. We both prepared ourselves and everything that comes with having a new baby. I went to see my doctor and waited until we were in the clear to start trying. Fast forward to when I took my first pregnancy test. It was the FAINTEST line you could ever imagine. I sent a photo to my girlfriend asking her if she saw the line too and that I wasn’t at all crazy – she said there is definitely a line. Later that day I took another test. The next day, I took another test. The lines were still very faint. I took more tests and finally I took a digital one. I told myself, if the digital one says I’m pregnant, then I’ll finally believe that I am. I waited what seemed like YEARS for the results to show up on the screen. Finally… I saw a “YES+.”
I was overjoyed. I decided to wait until we have our family pictures to tell my husband. I wanted this one to be extra special.
A week later, I had this gut feeling that I needed to tell my husband now. I went to the store, got a newborn onesie set and a baby rattle. I placed everything in the box along with the digital pregnancy test. Some men aren’t that quick at comprehending things, so they need a little extra help, hence the pregnancy test. I left it by the closet because that’s where he’ll go first after getting home from work.
That night, we celebrated. It wasn’t a fancy kind of dinner celebration. It was a late night conversation of our unborn babe. Names, nursery, how life is only going to get crazier but in the best ways. We were so happy.
That happiness ended very quickly. Less than a couple weeks later, I had a miscarriage. The full post of my miscarriage is on my instagram but I will share a snippet of it. – On Thursday, October 4th, I woke up bleeding. When I went to the bathroom, the sight was horrifying. I made an emergency call to my OB and was seen that afternoon. Now, you can imagine all the emotions that come after receiving the confirmation from my OB. I spent the next two days in a hotel room with my kids and my husband. I wanted to be away from the world, away from everything, trying to understand what exactly happened. The “whys” and “hows” and everything in between.
It was the most devasting day of my entire life. It stripped and broke me. This child we have carefully planned for and was so excited to meet next Spring, is gone. It definitely changed me completely. Family and friends can be witnesses of that. However, during this time, I am still so very grateful.
How can we stay grateful during times of hardships and trials when everything feels like it is crumbling down in front of our eyes?
Even though I was at my lowest point, I had so many things to be grateful for:
Spouse: A husband who went on leave right away to be with me. He was supportive by giving me space and time. He helped with the kids – making sure I had enough rest. He let me cry and not ask any questions. He was the stronger one, always greeting me in the morning with a smile and a “I love you.”
My kids: I can’t even count the number of times I gave them hugs and kisses. My son could tell I was feeling sad, he held my hands, rested his head on my chest, and just laid there with me. He would glance up at me with the sweetest set of eyes. I could feel his love. And my sweet daughter, she she is too young to understand, but she lights up my world with her cheerful spirit. Always giggling and laughing.
Community: Your community is what you make of it. In my community, I had two girlfriends that would check up on my regularly. They let me pour out my feelings even though they’ve heard it a thousand times. They tell me that it’s okay to not be okay. I’ve also connected with women who have gone through the same thing – they bravely shared their stories with me which helped comforted me in more ways than I can even describe.
Doctors: I am grateful to have such an amazing OB. During this time, I felt so much compassion from him. When I went in for my bloodwork towards the beginning of the miscarriage, he would stop and check up on me. I am so grateful he will be there for me, every step of the way, whenever we become pregnant again.
Food and Shelter: With or without an appetite, I still have food in my fridge. I still have a bed to sleep on even when the nights seem so long. I have a roof over my head.
The miscarriage threw me against a wall, it caused me and still causes me so much pain. I know over time, I will be okay. Right now, I am grateful to be alive. To feel, touch, smell, taste, hear, and see the things around me.
The next time you are having a bad day, week, or month, please remember this:
“When you arise in the morning,
think of what a precious privilege
it is to be alive,
– Marcus Aurelius
And remember, it’s okay to not be okay. Nothing can be fixed or get better overnight. If that’s the case, this would be a perfect world. Keep fighting but do so with a grateful heart.
Hello, my name is Luci. I am a mom of two from Arizona. I graduated from ASU with a degree in Social Work. However, after college I wanted to become a mom. My son was born in April 2016 and about a year later my daughter was born. They are my Irish twins who I adore and love very much. Motherhood has taught me a lot about myself. I’ve learned to be more patient, more loving, more open-minded, and more selfless. It has made me become a stronger woman.
I have struggled for many years with depression (before having my children). It played a huge part after having my daughter. In March of 2018, I collaborated with The Commit Campaign and shared my story on depression and motherhood. It reached many hearts and I received many heart-breaking but inspiring messages. I had a platform I never knew existed. By being transparent with my struggles and sharing my story, it had helped many people to feel and know that they are not alone. I cannot wait to share with you all some of the things that has helped me with my mental health and how we should take care of our mental health as a woman and as a mother.
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