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i was just talking to someone about relationships.
so naturally i go upstairs and blog about them immediately afterwards.
i feel like this is how i get all my stupid thoughts out that no one would want to listen to, and probably, no one reads. i dont care. i like to vent. publicly.
i feel like when i break up with someone i always drag it out.
its so hard to go from being with someone and having them be your best friend and then just break up. and bam. youre not supposed to talk to them ever again.
to me, that seems impossible.
i am guilty of knowing i never want to date that person but texting them and seeing them anyways because i am not ready to let go.
that goes on for weeks, meanwhile i go on dates, crying inside because i dont want to start over with someone new. starting over sucks.. and i miss being completely comfortable around that person and being able to do and say stupid silly things and tell them everything and all that great stuff.
you miss that so much on the date that you go home and text the person you know you shouldnt be texting, because you know you dont want to date them, but you miss them, so you text them.
im weak i guess you could say.
but when you finally, miraculously get over it somehow.. its the most liberating feeling and you wonder why you dragged it out so long. (kind of like when you crave sugar. so you go overboard and make cookie dough and eat all of it and then your sugar craving is fulfilled so you wonder why you just ate that? and you regret it? maybe? dumb analogy. i should delete that. but i wont) so you stop thinking about them, and your once jealous feelings turn into, “i am happy for him, i hope he is happy” feelings, and life feels so great and you are excited to start over again.
yeah well.. IM FINALLY FREAKING THERE.
i feel like i should take myself out to dinner. maybe buy apple cider and drink it out of a martini glass and take a bubble bath with candles. maybe ill do my hair tomorrow. ya know? feel like a new woman. maybe buy a balloon and some flowers.
the problem is.. who the freak do i start over with?
i wish i could download a boyfriend.
can i download you??? please? ill make you dinners. every night. and pack you cute lunches with sweet little notes. and the house will be clean when you get home. and i swear i decorate cute. and i am going to be the best mom (we are going to have 4 kids soooo..thats important) oh and sometimes im funny.. so thats good. and scrapbooking? homemade crafts? yeah we have that in the bag. also i like to snuggle. (i dont know if thats a problem.. i mean by all means if it is ill buy a body pillow.. whatever.) youll love me i promise.
actually now that i think about it.. no snuggle buggling is a huge deal breaker.