Happy weekend!! It is Saturday night and the kids are asleep and so is David. David leaves at 4am for San Diego to go visit his dad! Anyways, so I am writing this post now because I was just going through these photos from last night and it brought back a memory!
I know I have a lot of girls in junior high and high school who follow and write me messages.. soo for anyone that age who may feel like I did then here is some hope 🙂
When I was in junior high I had some really really dark times like I have said before! I had some stuff I was dealing with that I won’t talk about but on top of that on my first day of 7th grade (we start junior high in 7th grade) I walked up to my locker and there were (ugh gross —-) tampons with ketchup all over them hanging from my locker! I was sooo embarrassed. Everyone was pointing and laughing and saying “ewwww!” and asking, “whose locker is that?” I remember just pretending it wasn’t my locker and then quietly slipped away and cried in the bathroom. I didn’t know who did it and still don’t. I went and had to ask for a new locker and asked them if they could get all my stuff out for me (I had come to decorate the inside with magnets and cute pen holders the week before – so cool getting a locker like the ones in the movies right?!). After that there was a group of 8th grade girls who were so awful to me. I didn’t know who they were at the time or why they picked on me but they would do things like throw food at me when I walked by or yell that I looked like a drowned rat, etc etc. And once they came to my home (I don’t know how they found out where I lived) and waited for my parents to leave and came running in with a boom box playing super loud music and danced around me and then ran out laughing… sooooo weird I know!! Anyways the point I am getting to, I was just not in a good place and my young self who already didn’t have a lot of confidence felt like everyone hated me. I would cry a lot at home and I had to write in my journal everyday because that was the only “person” I had to talk to. (I never told my parents or siblings or friends that this was happening because I was too embarrassed). I know these sound so stupid and little but at the time it didn’t feel small. During this time I would have recurring dreams and REALLY clear visions of me driving and kids are in the back seat. I would think about it all the time and would be so excited for one day when I got to have kids and drive them around and do fun stuff. Now we are in Hawaii and I am driving with two beautiful faces in the rear view mirror and I know it all sounds cheesy but I feel so grateful to be here in this place and look at my junior high and high school self and thank God for giving me a glimpse of this future because sometimes it was the only thing that got me through, truly. Every now and again when we are driving I remember that and now I get to live my middle school dream and it is all sorts of wonderful!!
I am not saying this for anyone to feel sorry for me (obviously that was like what, 14 years ago?! I don’t feel bad for myself!) But sometimes when I see girls at meet ups who are soo young I just hope that they are happy and if they aren’t then I just want them to know that it will get better. Who you are in junior high and high school is not who you have to be forever, you can be whoever you want. The high school drama that goes on with girls is — oh boy. My friends and I totally got caught up in all of the cattiness and also had our fair share of not being the nicest. But good news is you grow up and move on and middle and high school are such TINY chapters in your life! Think of what you want your future to look like and go after it. Good things are ahead, I promise!!!
Oh and say hi to people! I wish I could go back and say “Amber stop being so self conscious and shy and say HI! what is the worst that can happen?! They don’t say it back?” Try out for whatever sport you want or student council or whatever! (I wish I had tried out for the high jump because every coach tried to talk me into it but I didn’t! I thought “what if I am not able to do it?!”) And if one person says something bad about you, even though it sometimes feels like everyone else must think it too, its just not true. And obviously have fun 😉 (I also have a TON of really really fun memories too! And a fun fact is that me and two of my best friends from elementary/middle school/high school all had babies the same age around the time of Rosie! So they can all be little buds in Arizona like we were growing up!)