Barefoot Blonde Amber Fillerup

Barefoot Blonde Amber Fillerup
Barefoot Blonde Amber Fillerup
Barefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber Fillerup
Barefoot Blonde Amber Fillerup
Barefoot Blonde Amber Fillerup
Barefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber FillerupBarefoot Blonde Amber Fillerup

DRESS: Etoile Isabel Marant / SWIMSUIT: Beach Riot

I saw a sign that said “Big Wave Dave” so I have been calling Davey that πŸ˜‰ My New Year’s resolution was to try to be a better wife. I am constantly thinking about ways I can be a better mom and focusing on the kids that I forget to think about ways to be a better wife. So that was one of my resolutions this year. My other is just to manage my stress and do things to help it. I have written a couple posts about this and then delete them and decide not to post them because I never know how to word it correctly. Or how to explain how it is for me because its so random and comes when it feels like it. Forever I have called this anxiety but after writing posts and then being so nervous to post them (not sure if I ever have the right words) I started reading more about stress vs. anxiety. I know that sounds silly that I didn’t know the difference, and I know they are similar, but I really didn’t know the exact difference. I think a lot of women have some form of anxiety in one way or another even if its only every so often. I have moments of anxiety but mostly I am just an over-stresser. There are so many stresses on women to be so many different things at once and its just not possible. And on top of that there are endless to do lists. For me personally, my to do lists often feel so long that it paralyzes me and stresses me out to the point where I feel like I can’t do any of it. Then I stress that our home is a mess and I didn’t get as much done as I had planned and I don’t meet the expectations I had for myself that day.Β This usually happens when I have forgotten about little things or decide to not finish to do lists days in a row and stuff just builds. I want to have homemade meals for my family, plan crafts for the kids, have the home clean, take the kids on adventures, run our two businesses, get ready, go to the gym, be a good wife, help friends out, call family, and all the in between. And I wish I could zip around with 10 arms and 10 brains and do it all. But on any given day I get to pick a handful of those things and remain a sane person. First to go is obviously homemade meals because I suck at cooking. And besides having the home clean and getting ready/gym, all are really important to me to get done every day. Most days we go through our days or weeks and do all of them to some degree.. wait does waiting til the mac n cheese on the ground dries so its easier to sweep up count as cleaning your house for the day? if so then we do it all to some degree. (okay I only did that once, stop judging πŸ˜‰ ) And throughout those weeks I am doing just fine. Then all of the sudden I am like holy shizzzzzz.. did we remember to do this? And remembering that one thing reminds me of 100000 other things that we needΒ to do.

I am not even going to proof read this because I probably won’t post it if I do soo excuse all of the errors. English majors, I know you are out there.

I am a pretty chill person but I think that is my problem – I just go at a slow pace and then realize that my to do lists were created for a very fast paced person!!!! Luckily my husband is reallly really patient with me and lets me vent and get all the crazy brained and frantic talking about how stressed I am – out of my system. Then he sits down with me and we come up with a plan. What I think we need to do is be better at scheduling things ahead of time.. even small things like remembering to make this call or send that email – set a time so we know it is getting done that day. What works for you guys?!

xo

**Just want to add that I wanted to touch on this because I know most moms feel this way from time to time. I am not throwing myself a pity party and both David and I show gratitude for all we are blessed with daily. I am by no means saying I am always stressed – 95% of the time I manage my days and we get everything done. But there are those occasional days where you feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off. Not because “my life is so hard” but because that is just life. It happens regardless of your lifestyle. And I think everyone is entitled to those days. While we all have different lifestyles and not all of us understand the other’s, we all have stressful days and then the next day we just buck up and get back to it! I have appreciated all of your guys helpful tips of how you manage stress!Β Thank you for all of your tips! I am turning comments off for this post just because people can take this for what it is worth! If you don’t get stressed and think this is dramatic then you can leave those comments to yourself — I would rather be stressed than be the person taking time out of my day to put someone down on the internet πŸ˜‰ to each their own!

Photos taken by Tessa Tadlock

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86 comments | Join the Conversation

  1. Amber I can totally relate! When my list gets too long, I feel so stressed that I’m paralyzed and don’t know where to start! I struggle with stress and anxiety and something that helps is I write my to do list and then star the top priorities for that day! I also do this breathing exercise where I inhale for 5 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds and then exhale for 5 seconds. That helps me in stressful moments!! 😘

  2. Love this post! From your blog/Instagram it looks like your life is so perfect but it’s great to hear you suffer from stress/anxiety like the rest of us!!!

    I also do the same thing with to-do lists. They end up being super long and unattainable and I go halfway through my day and I have only ticked off a handful of items and get really anxious that I won’t get what I want done for today and then what I planned tomorrow won’t get done because I’m working on what I planned on getting done today. There are a few things I’ve started doing that REALLY help.

    1. Get a planner and record your to-do lists. Put down what you reasonably think you can get done for the day. Then work then one by one and DONT think about how much you have left– just focus on the task at hand. Its very tough to actually do this but the less time you spend thinking about what you have to do the less you’ll do.
    2. I tend to get distracted pretty easily with a million thoughts running through my head. If I’m trying to study or focus on something at I will keep post-it’s or some paper and I will write down thoughts on this scrap paper as they come. Once I write them down I stop thinking about them and can get back to focusing on the task at hand. Later I go back and read them and I’m usually like….. what was I even thinking/glad I didn’t waste my time with this running through my head earlier.

  3. lists. I LOVE lists. i hang them in a new place every time just so I don’t start ignoring them. things that aren’t always “new” tend to disappear for me so i pick new but visible places. like the front door, a hallway etc. ya know, places you always use. and when i finish a task i put a big ol’ chek mark on it. and when i start stressing about ” all the things” i go to my list and see “oh wait, i actually got something done” and i calm down.

    much love,
    marji

  4. Awwe oh my goodness these photos are so freaking cute, you guys are theee cutest couple ever ! I love this post as well, it’s so real, I too need to work on ways to de-stress myself more but it’s definitely hard !

    XOXO
    Jess
    http://jessprainstyle.com

  5. Amber I just love u and I love ur legs ☺️ That is one thing You don’t have to stress about!

  6. BULLET JOURNALING!!! Keeping a “bullet journal” has been one of the best things ever. You can YouTube how to create and maintain one. Plus, Etsy has TONS of cute bullet journals and accessories. It sounds like something that would definitely be beneficial for you. It helps to naturally sort what is a priority and what is not.

    Also, sometimes I really just have to close my eyes and think about what matters and what doesn’t. Take a deep breath and remember you are only one person. Remember that regardless of what you get done and don’t get done..the sun will still rise tomorrow and the world will keep on spinning. You have healthy beautiful kids and a great husband – at the end of the day, that is ALL that matters.

    Stay strong, we all love you even if you let Mac n’ Cheese dry on the floor!!!

    PS..here is my favorite “Bullet Journaling” tutorial..
    https://youtu.be/fm15cmYU0IM

  7. You are so lucky to have found David, you guys are so cute together! Stress and anxiety are both big things for me, and I always make sure I just take a moment to step back and look at the big picture, prioritise, and then get back to work. Prioritising is definitely a big thing, that way even if I don’t finish everything, I know that I have at least done the most important things. When I get really stressed I like to exercise to just clear my head and then start over. I also like to write down any of my crazy thoughts just so that I feel like I’ve gotten them out of my head and can move on, and thats definitely a great thing.
    Amber I can tell that you are an amazing mother and wife just as you are, and I think being in hawaii is a great break from the hustle and bustle of the city to let you wrap your head around everything and when you do it will be amazing!
    Good luck with everything Amber!
    xxxxxx Isobel

  8. don’t be so hard on yourself! love this post, it’s honest and raw and not perfect – the way real life is. All the important things get done in time πŸ™‚

  9. Instead of trying to control being stressed out about not doing what needs to be done, why not just take care of what’s stressing you out? You seem to spend lots of time on the beach – maybe do something boring every once in a while like cook or clean or do something educational with your kids? Don’t you have a nanny there with you? It seems weird that with 2 kids and 3 adults there you can’t find time to do things. I know this sounds hateful, but I have 50 hour a week job and 3 kids and still find time to do what needs to be done and have time leftover for me. Sure I get stressed out and anxious but I still get things done.

    1. Maybe I should go tell someone with depression, “sure I get sad, but I get over it.” It sounds like you have life figured out and never get stressed out! You and people like you are the reason women feel like they can’t be honest on social media.

      1. I think she is forgetting about the fact you are running two businesses while being a stay at home mom. It’s never easy and you are fabulous! I envy your courage and your passion for life. You admire me to do what makes me happy and take big steps to get there! Keep on being you – your family is spectacular!

    2. Your comment is not kind, and not needed on this post. Everybody is capable of different things, and social media is always the perfect window where only certain things are shown. What Amber has going on in her life may not appear on this blog, because she chooses to make this blog a happy and stress free environment.
      As for spending time on the beach, I look back and I don’t think – “WOW my mom always kept the house clean! What GREAT moments!”
      I remember all the car drives, and lazy days, and fun beach days, and the MEMORIES I made with her. Amber can spend every single day of her life on the beach with her kids, because those are the moments that matter and that’s what her kids will remember – and even if you THINK she is at the beach all day – you don’t truly know what goes on in her life.

  10. Perfect article!! I am anxiety filled/stressed so often and I meditate 2x per day to de-excite the nervous system but ha! doesn’t change. My neck stays so tight I can hardly swallow

  11. You are seriously killing me with all of your recent posts! Amazing. Every one of them. You look so happy and so beautiful. As do your children and your husband. It’s really nice to see.

    -Kellyn
    http://www.kellynrivera.com

  12. I love your From the Heart posts because they are so relatable! I feel I am constantly pulled a thousand different directions every day, between work and home and all the things I think I should be doing – like the home cooked meals and going to they gym – that I get to the point where I feel like I am standing in a crowd screaming and no one notices! I think women feel this way a lot because we pride ourselves on handling everything, but I have recently learned that it’s perfectly normal to not handle something, to not have it all put together. What helped the most for me was simply writing down my list each Sunday and if something got left off, it wasn’t that important at that time. I also keep two planner/calendars one for work and one for personal, that way when I am not at the office I am devoted to my personal things and vice versa. It has helped keep me on track and helped the lists get shorter! Thanks so much for being so open and honest! The way you and your family live your truth is such an inspiration!

  13. I love your honesty. I think stress is a major issue for women because we have such a hard time letting go of what other people think. Running my own business I totally get it and commend you on your search to de-stress and find what works for you. Right there with ya girl!

  14. Maybe your stress is coming from you always trying to set expectations in yourself that you cant do (at the moment) and there is nothing wrong with that. You are a success and so is your family. Dont ever feel embarrassed to express your thoughts, stress or anxiety. You are human. Stress and anxiety can be paralyzing and awful.
    Last year, health wise- i suffered with anxiety and with that anxiety i was stressed out alot and worried about everything!! Dumb stuff that i couldnt control. Stressed about multple things all at once and often cry because i didnt know what to do. It was awful.
    I think medicine serves a purpose.. but i reeeeeallly didnt want to go that route. I wanted a holistic approch to feeling better. So i went to a naturopathy chiropractor and found out i had food allergies that were making my anxiety so bad and also he gave me nutrition that was worked wonders!!! i feel better. I feel normal.

    We all have different stuff thrown at us. And sometimes it sucks and is super embarrassing to admit… (especially in the social network where the end goal is to be (appear) perfect in every way)

    I know your situation isnt like mine.. but all i can say is just try to remember you are human and you are doing the best you can right now during this stressful time. It too shall pass.

  15. Amber thank you so much for writing this. I feel like I was reading all of my thoughts right in front of me. When I’m feeling extremely stressed, sometimes I just need a minute to myself. I’ll go in my room and preoccupy myself on the computer. Or I’ll go grab a coffee at somewhere in the neighborhood. Something along those lines where I just decompress for a bit and it makes me feel SO much better. You’re an awesome mom and wife πŸ™‚

    -Annie
    http://www.discoveringyourhappy.com

  16. Hi Amber. Thank you for writing this post! I use this app called Wunderlist to keep myself organized and not forget about the really important stuff i have to do πŸ™‚ hope it helps!

  17. Girl I totally know what you mean and I actually had never thought to research the difference between stress and anxiety either so now I feel like I need to do that to figure out what I really struggle with! And I SO appreciate that you didn’t proofread that and instead just gave us your unfiltered thoughts because I followed it perfectly because it’s how my brain works too haha.

    One thing that really helps me is cutting things out – even if just for a day or a week. For example, I used to have my own fashion blog while also working in a time-consuming profession and having a blog is HARD WORK and I would stress myself out to the max over getting pictures, or packages being late, or posting an Instagram at a certain time, etc and it felt like I always had to be “on”. But then recently we moved and I decided to take some time off from the blog while we got settled and in that time life got so much better! Even my husband noticed just how much more at peace I was and less stressed because I wasn’t trying to do so many things at once.

    By all means I am not saying give up the blog (pretty please don’t!!!) but just taking some time away from any of the many expectations or roles you put on yourself, whether that be taking a few days off social media (or even just one app), let one room of the house just stay dirty all week or better yet let the whole house get dirty and then call in a cleaning crew haha, or just anything. Sometimes taking that step back really helps and also invigorates you to get back to it because you kind of miss it. Hope that helps!

    PS: I also didn’t proofread so forgive me haha.

  18. First of all, these pictures are to die for! You guys look great πŸ™‚ I totally relate to this post. It’s a daily battle of picking what’s important and letting the rest go. As my daughter was eating mac n cheese for lunch today (and spilling it on the floor), I was reading this and laughing because I totally wanted to leave it there to dry up haha! That’s definitely a perk of having a dog tho- they make great mood sometimes ?

  19. I have generalized anxiety, and one of the things that helps me deal with it the most is planning ahead, I plan my days and weeks out so I know how everything is going to line up. But with that comes anxiety when things don’t go according to plan. That’s something I’ve been dealing with lately, just knowing going into situations that it might not work out exactly how I thought it would, but that it will all be okay and work out in the end. While it is important to plan things out, it is hard to do that AND live in the moment, it takes practice and getting used to . I wish you the best of luck with your day to day stress, and I hope this helped!

  20. I am seriously the same way, I am always so hard on myself and get super stressed. I think you have a lot on your plate and are super busy and thats ok. Don’t be so hard don yourself you are doing great!
    xo
    http://www.laurajaneatelier.com

  21. oh you guys are so gorgeous! and there’s so much tenderness and passion between you, love that! I love to do lists but I stress out when everything gets too chaotic and there are too many things to handle…sometimes some pressure helps, but other times…my favorite ways to get rid of stress are focusing on something else, meeting up with friends, sleeping (best one! haha)…and breaking down big tasks into little steps.

  22. you are so incredible cute together. You are goals!!!
    And for me stress is also a big part of my life and I hate it so much cause sometimes I just think to much about what to do instead of doing it in this time. The only thing what really works for me to write the things to do on a list and then work each point by it’s time and then go to the next point, but never work on two or more at the same time. I know this is not fancy but that’s the only way it works for me
    Have a great end of the week!!!!
    Sophie

  23. When I stressed, I train to stop the moment and see what is happening around me…
    You are so strong and creative person, we all getting stressed from time to time, may be it’s OK?)))

  24. You know what helps me the most in relieving stress? Realizing how good I have it compared to other people and trying to appreciate how lucky I am in what I have and what I do. When I look around and see the daily struggles my friend/colleagues/ family (or even reading about or seeing strangers at their circumstances) all of a sudden make the things I stress about so minute… Sometimes we are too consumed with our own stressors that we are blind to seeing the bigger (real) picture. XOXO

  25. I hear that! So many days I feel so defeated and overwhelmed. I have three kids (7, 6, and 3) and I have a lot of people telling me I’m “Super Woman” which makes me laugh. If they only knew how emotionally crazy I felt!! Anyways. Just wanted to share lol..

  26. I have amazing time management skills but in the process of being super productive, my stress levels are insane. The #1 strategy I have always used to deal with a long overwhelming list of things is to identify what has to happen NOW, FIRST, and focus only on accomplishing that. When you finish that, you focus on the next item. But never step back and look at the whole list of items because you will drown in anxiety. My other technique, and I’m not sure if this is a good one, is to be productive. I know the only way I will relieve my stress is by actually accomplishing the item. If I don’t have enough time in my day, I will wake up at 4 AM to get it done. Like I said, not sure how great that technique is for your health and sanity, but it is definitely true that the only thing that relieves my stress over a task is accomplishing that task!

  27. Thanks for sharing! I just wanted to tell you that I am a high school English teacher, and I wasn’t even looking for any grammar mistakes! Therefore, I didn’t notice any. Haha love your blog!

  28. These photos are the sweetest. Ro and A are absolutely adorable, but I particularly love photos of just the two of you!! I totally get you on being stressed! There is always just so much to do. I think you are an incredible mom and wife though and I am amazed by how much you get done <3

  29. Thank you for posting this, because i felt the SAME this week– and it’s hard to remember other people feel the exact same way sometimes. You are the best– keep it up. <3

  30. So needed this post today! FEeling the exact same way with work lately…Stress vs. Anxiety and just DOING things instead of letting them stress me out!!! YOu rock Amber!

  31. I end up bringing stress upon myself with my inability to say”no”. To combat this, I like do a weekly evaluation of my priorities. Every Sunday I look at my schedule and decide what my priorities are. That way when the unexpected comes knocking I know what I can drop. Sometimes I can’t accommodate the new addition, knowing that the current things on my to-do list are high priority makes it a lot easier to say “no”.

  32. I am so glad you posted this! I often find myself to be overstressed, as a woman, I think it’s pretty hard to avoid.

    One thing that has definitely helped me is having fun planners and stationary to write out to do lists and keep track of things (which Katie also mentioned in a previous comment, but I totally agree). I typically go to Rifle Paper Co. to find a planner and little note pads. They’re so pretty and I always enjoy looking at them, which helps with reminding me of all the things I have going on.

    Before the week starts, I also try to plan which days I will be doing each task. If I want to work out, make dinners, clean the apartment, send emails or make calls, etc., I will typically try to add about 2-3 of those items to each day. Maybe Monday I will clean the apartment and make some calls, then Tuesday I can work out and make dinner afterwards… I think you get the idea. Don’t try to take on too much at one time.

    Finally, I just try to remember that I can’t always do it all. I am not perfect; nor should I be. Life gets in the way of all of these small tasks, but that’s what makes it enjoyable.

    http://bellimay.com

  33. Oh stress. I fee like I am not the best at managing it either. haha. Like no matter what I do, I’ll still be stressed about something. I feel like that is how our society has made us. We want more and constantly want to do more, which is good, but also leads to stress because we often have so much going on all the time which then becomes overwhelming. My best way to manage stress is to try and plan in advance and schedule everything out the best I can on my calendar. I also really try not to take on too much, because then I don’t enjoy the things I usually would (easier said than done). haha

    I think that new book you ordered on Amazon will help with managing stress too. πŸ™‚ I want to read it! It’s on my list.

    –Elise
    http://www.caturdaystyle.com

  34. First, I absolutely adore the relationship you and David have. You two just beam with love for one another and its beyond inspiring. I understand what you mean about dealing with stress and anxiety. For me some days I feel that I mess my days up if I don’t wake up early enough or if my to-do list suddenly becomes longer – it can be hard to deal with. It sounds silly but what I usually do, and I started doing this years back when I used to be single, was to put in my headphones and blare and song I absolutely love and just dance it out like a fool lol. It actually works! Your brain gets a little break and you get to have some fun πŸ™‚

    xo,
    K

    http://www.instagram.com/keshiaruberg

  35. Omg waiting til the mac n cheese dries to clean it up is genius! Seriously, so much easier to sweep up!

    As for managing time, what I like to do is buy fun stationery, planners, pens, etc., and then get to work planning using all my new tools. For me, my desire to use the cute things (usually!) outweighs my desire to nothing, so I’m more likely to check stuff off my to-do list cause I want to use my new stuff! I also find that separating different tasks (household chores, work, personal goals, etc.) into mini lists and using different colored pens makes it a lot easier to see what I have to do for each category. It’s a lot less overwhelming to see “email these two people” in one column and then “clean this, this, and this” in another, rather than staring at one giant wall of DO ALL THESE THINGS. That can make you crazy! Another thing I find useful is to set aside 3 “must do’s” for the day or week. It gives me three solid things that absolutely have to get done, so even if I do nothing else the whole week, I know I did those things and still feel accomplished.

  36. You’re pictures are always so stinkin beautiful! Straight out of a magazine! I love your posts like this one that are just so real and unfiltered! I don’t have a husband or kids yet, but I still find myself stressing about my days and not feeling productive enough and wanting to get everything done! I relate to you a lot because I’m probably a slower paced person to that wants to do everything!

    xoxo,
    Abigail
    http://www.belleofthebrier.com/

  37. One tip I read recently with to-do lists is called the two-minute rule. If something takes less than two minutes to complete, take care of it right away. I’m a list maker, and I get caught up in making a huge list of everything I need to get done, and if I paid more attention to getting the small things out of the way without even needing to write them down, I would be much more efficient. I think also blocking off your time so that you only look at email between this time and this time, and planning easy meals, etc. can also be helpful. The BEST tip is to know that we all have those “holy shizzzz” moments you talked about. And it’s okay. We can’t be all things to all people. You know where your focus needs to rest. Everything else will come along when you get to it. <3 Good luck!

  38. Thank you so so much for writing this!! Glad to know im not the only one who feels this way sometimes!!
    One proverb that someone once told me and that I have found helpful in stressful times is this:
    Q: How do you eat an elephant (handle a big problem, long to do list, etc…?)
    A: One bite at a time!

  39. Thanks for sharing this amber! I can totally relate! My stress and freak outs are more anxiety related and it’s taken some time to learn to manage! It’s so hard to share these things with the world but I think you hit the nail on the head!

  40. I love this and completely relate. Although I don’t have as much on my plate. (I don’t run two businesses). I also don’t have a highly read blog which I’m sure can heighten the stress when others feel the need to be critical. I’m sure it feels vulnerable to write all this down, but I appreciate it. I think it’s easy to feel like others have it altogether…comparing our bloopers with their highlight reels. I’m not sure this is coming out right? Thank you for being so open and authentic. You are a gorgeous person and your little family is so blessed to have you!

  41. OMG I feel you so much! I thought I was so calm and stress free until I realized I couldnt do it all when my second boy arrived this last November. Just before Christmas I got a lot of headaches and ended up in the hospital for dehydration. Only bcs I was so busy trying to keep the house clean and everything you mention above that I forgot to drink water! Who does that?! The mommy/wife struggle is real! Sometimes we find the time to sit down a lil bit, but we dont allow our minds to rest. That is what keep us stressed.
    I started doing pillates everyday and consciously relax for 5 minutes afterwards. Just lay down on the floor concentrated only on my breathing. Is not easy.
    Hope it works for you πŸ™‚

  42. Hi Amber!
    First of all: I think the photos are lovely!
    Second: I’ve got some experience with stress too. My problem is that my brain just won’t shut up. When I’m doing something at the same time I have a million other things in my mind. What worked for me in the past is, that when I start one thing, I finish that and don’t do million other things in between. Like when I take down my laundry then I continue to fold it and put it back in the closet. It works for me, maybe it works for you too. πŸ™‚
    xo Tamara

  43. Hi Amber! Believe it or not many mothers out there having and thinking about the same problems for sure. I am a mother of three boys. They are 4 and 3 year-old and 9 months. My husband has to work harder than the others since we are on a visa in the US., so his employee can keep him here longer. That means I get very little help from him and not to mention he is a perfectionist. However, he is cleaning the house once a week even though the kids make a total mess in every second or washing the dishes once a week. To motivate myself I always appreciate for what I have then what I do not have at the moment. I set my goals daily instead of weekly because I know that my days are hectic and a fixed weekly schedule will be impossible follow and achieve and it pulls me down when that happens. I am always grateful that we are very lucky to be healthy, safe and have a home, a job, loving spouse, happy kids, a car, parks around us, having a family even though they are further away but healthy! I was a perfectionist like my husband and did not want to have argument with him because of a messy house or clothes in the laundry for weeks. This thoughts literally made me upset for a long time, but the thing is I am not the same person before my kids were born! When I shared my thoughts with my husband, we decided to try to limit our expectations from each other and ourselves little bit but this does not mean that we will totally give up on them. Our relationship cannot be the same as it used to be, but now it is better and stronger because we are more supportive and understanding with each other. We love each other but instead of two, now we have three more to think about. He finally accepted the fact that when your little kids in the house even for 10 minutes, the house cannot be clean rest of the day or dinner cannot be ready on time maybe there is no dinner at all ☺ I try not to expect too much of myself otherwise I need more than 24 hours a day to do them! I would love to do yoga or go to the gym in order to go back to my pre pregnancy weight, but 9 months after my third son was born I started to exercise. I do not stress myself about it because I cannot have a gym time to focus on my body only, instead I do activities that I can do at home or I turn on the music and dance with the kids for 30 minutes. My husband and I take turns to cook dinner at home because I don’t want them to eat at Mc Donalds. If we both are so tired to cook dinner then we make toast or mac and cheese maybe two or three days in a row πŸ™‚ You are not alone in your thoughts and I am sure you will reach your goals eventually because you are a strong and successful woman, great mother, and you are dedicated to go beyond and do better things in your life! You are a great inspiration to me and all the other followers of your blog! Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and letting us know that we are not alone in our thoughts as well!

  44. Thank you so much for posting this Amber!!! I can relate SO much. I have huge lists and move at a slow pace too and it is so frustrating!! Nice to know I’m not the only one! All we can do is our best and the most important thing is loving on your fam and you sure do a fantastic job at that! ❀❀❀❀

  45. Thanks for sharing and inviting conversation, Amber! This is such a daily issue for most women I think. I know this seems counter-intuitive, but meditation really helps me with my to-do list. For the first weeks (or months) of meditation, my mind would race, and tasks would pop into my mind, and that’s okay. Eventually it gets easier to sit with a quiet mind for a few minutes (even just 5), and after a while I noticed that my mind was sharper throughout the day when I had meditated! I remembered tasks that weren’t even on my to-do list and my schedule felt more manageable!
    Also, yoga. YOGA YOGA YOGA.
    Love how you try to keep things positive! That will go a long way!

  46. I think what works best for me is accepting help from others. For example, if I can’t clean my apartment because I’m too busy – I hire someone to do it. This helps them make money, and for me to have a bit of help every now and then.

    http://objectsicantafford.com

  47. One thing my husband and I like to do to help with stress, is we say what we’re thankful for either on our morning walk with our dog or at the end of the day when we’re lying in bed. It doesn’t seem like much- but taking a few minutes to really think about what you’re grateful for can make you feel more calm (and that the little things like a clean house, etc. really aren’t that important).

    πŸ™‚

  48. I so feel you on that one! I have the very same feeling da in and day out and the older I get I realize that in the end it all comes down to setting realistic expectations and being compasionate.
    We often have sooo much patience with others but rarely if it comes to us.
    Just try and allow yourself to be human, this includes being comapsionate and allow yourself to be tired, stressed or maybe happy with a chaotic flat….
    I have done the same many a time: stressed about being stressed and therefore created even more pressure until I felt that I couldn’t take it anymore.
    In the end a question from a good friend helped me very much and now every time I feel stressed I simply ask myself:
    How much will this affect me in 20 years? If the answer is “not at all” or maybe “very little” then it is really not worth the fuss.
    Thanks for being so honest !
    Xoxo Martha

  49. You’re too funny! I can tell it was hard for you to write this post but I thought it was beautiful and honest! I feel this way all the time. I think the expectations I have on my self are unrealistic and would be for most people. So maybe my to do list should be for the stressful side of me; pick 3 things (at a max) a day? Maybe?
    I think we’re all just trying to figure it out! But being honest especially with your platform is SO wonderful so we can aspire to be normal!

  50. You’re doing amazing Amber! You’ve already got some great habits in place for dealing with stress, exercising and getting outdoors often (I know these do wonders for me too). I’m a bit of a clean freak and can’t truly relax if there’s a big mess, so I throw on a podcast and the rubber gloves and get to work. The sweet sweet smell of Mr Clean afterwards….ahhh there’s nothing quite like it. A glass (or two) of wine at the end of the day is seriously a gift from God. Just remember that we’re all faking it!

  51. Hey Amber,
    I am so glad you decided to post this because I think it is something so many people deal with and it’s really nice to know that we are not alone.
    Some of the tools I use that work best for me when I am stressed:
    1. Move my body- usually this means going on a short walk where I can talk out loud about the things that are stressing me and making me feel anxious. When I am walking, and especially outdoors, I feel more capable and my mind feels more energized. And being outside I am reminded of the big picture and I have an easier time feeling grateful.
    2. Journaling- even if it’s only a few sentences, it helps to get some of the crazy/busy thoughts out of my mind and on to paper. My mind feels clearer afterwards. This journal makes it really easy: https://www.intelligentchange.com/products/the-five-minute-journal
    3. Meditating- I don’t always do this, but I have been using the app Headspace and it is really, really helpful. It gives some awesome mental exercises that I have found super helpful when I am feeling stressed out.
    4. I use my planner and google calendar religiously, I try to put everything on my schedule, every little task, so I can better visualize how much time it will all take and how much time I’m giving myself to relax.
    5. To-do lists, the app Swipes, is really awesome for making to-do lists. It allows you to schedule when you want the task to pop up and if you want it to repeat. This helps me feel less bogged down with tasks at the start of the day because I can schedule tasks to come up when I think I will have time to do them, so in the end I only I have a couple tasks that pop up at a time.

    Anyway, I hope that was helpful. Thank you for your posts! It is so hard to be vulnerable, especially in a space like this, but that fact that you are doing it is amazing πŸ™‚

  52. I deal with severe anxiety and while, like you said, stress and anxiety are different, I think the main thing to coping with the overwhelming feelings that come with both is to celebrate the tiny victories. My to-do list is 30 things long, but I make a smaller list, put it on a post it note of just 2 or 3 things, and focus just on doing those that day. If I do more, great! If not, no worries…I’ve done the 2 or 3 things that were really important and I’m happy for that. Love this post and thank you for sharing!

    xoxo
    Cathy, your Poor Little It Girl
    http://poorlittleitgirl.com

  53. I have never related to anything so much haha. I deal with anxiety and over stressing which makes it feel magnified, so I get the whole crippling stress that makes you just not want to do anything you need to do lol. This happened to me a couple of nights ago so I told myself “I’m going to take a break, take a bath, do a facial, and do my nails before bed, then start fresh with my tasks the next day” It really did help! Sometimes just letting yourself do nothing is good, your to do list will always be there the next morning haha it can wait one more day.

    ~Jessica Linn

    http://linnstyle.com

  54. I love to color code my to do list or differentiate the items by category of: “gotta get done today”, like pay a bill, meetings, etc, then “needs to get done by the end of the week”, like cleaning the bathroom, calling someone or less pressing matters, and lastly “it’ll be great if I get to it” which for me are things like cleaning out my closet or things like that. It helps me 1) feel accomplished if I can finished the “must do today list” which lowers my stress and also keeps the most important things at the top of my list so I’m less likely to forget to do them.

  55. Hi Amber! I am so happy you shared this post- everyone feels these pangs of stress sometimes! It really is just all about how you manage it. (Sounds so easy right?) While planning ahead and focusing on what you HAVE accomplished can be helpful, sometimes they just aren’t enough. Deep breathing is incredibly helpful and can be done everywhere (even with little ones squirming all over you ?).There are lots of good You Tube videos on how to do this correctly! Visualization is another relaxation technique that can be used and it’s where you think of the most peaceful place, close your eyes, and let your mind take you there for a few minutes. Finally, try to challenge yourself as to why that particular thing is REALLY stressing you. We have a tendency to catastrophize stuff meaning we think “omg if I don’t get this done I am NEVER going to get that job” etc. Most of the time that’s not the true case but it stresses us. So when faced with a HUGE (and rightfully daunting) to-do list, and you start to feel stressed, ask your self what is REALLY the worst that will come from neglecting the house for a few days. ❀️

    I am a mental health therapist, career counselor, mama, and wifey and am starting a blog called Lifestyle Therapy. It’s a crosssection of mental health tid bits, parenthood, travel and of course some fashion (how could I not?!). Would love to have you check it out when we launch! Take care and keep posting!

    Loyally, Elyse

  56. Amber, I couldn’t agree with you more. Try being a caregiver at a young age for your mother when the stress and strain of life gets you down on top of everything else. Worrying about when cancer and death and living without your love ones.

    Here is what works for me, to answer your question. I think it’s people like you who blog help people like us. I think sharing your life, seeing your beautiful pictures and the love for your husband help people like me.

    When life sucks for me I just hop on over to your blog – it takes my mind off my life, my worry and my fears … blogging is an outlook for me, so seeing your passions and travels help inspire me to live out my dreams of blogging.

    it’s people like you who inspire the average person not to give up hope.

    thank you amber for being apart of my inspirations

  57. I’m kinda like you, used to try to do it all, but realized…. I can’t and if I did I would suck at 1/2 of it, so I just do what I can and if it doesn’t get done today then “tomorrow is another day”!

  58. I was so excited to read this. I love this series, and I love how honest you are! It’s refreshing to have real talk! I only have one kiddo, but he’s 11 months and a new walker, so everything I want to do during the day is basically derailed because I’m chasing him around all day! It’s super easy to get stressed but I try and put my feelings into perspective when I feel that way. Ultimately, am I going to cherish playing with my son more than cleaning the kitchen? Yup!! ? You have a ton more on your plate, but it seems like you’re doing a great job! Keep it going, mama!!

  59. I just had this conversation with my husband, so I feel you girl! I have an 11 month old who doesn’t sleep well, so we’re in a vicious cycle of always being exhausted, which leads to laziness and then things pile up! So one thing we’ve implemented is we take 1 hour in the morning and then 1 hour at night and get stuff done. We put our phones away, turn off the tv, etc and just go item by item on our to do lists. We also break down our to do lists into manageable items. For example, if I have a huge project to do, I’ll break it down into 3 or 4 smaller tasks that can be accomplished in 15-20 minutes so that I’m always making progress!

    What you’re feeling is soooo common. Being a mom, wife, sister, daughter is a lot to balance!

  60. Daily prayer and Bible reading keeps me grounded and I would be stressed out to the max if I neglected those things. There is something about reading the scriptures and taking some time to be still and to talk to God about my concerns that brings peace and strength for the day! πŸ™‚

  61. Hi Amber, I think every girls/ women needs to read this post because We know that it’s true, We all put so many things at our lists and in the end of the day if We don’t make something, We feel bad. I guess you are one of the best people of the social media, when I see the love you share with us, it’s reminds me Gisele Bundchen, I am brazilian like her and I am sorry about the mistakes in English. I follow you because You are this kind of person, You share good things and You show us that you are real, you have good things in your life, but you still have things to make better like every person needs. Thank you for sharing your life and for being so inspiring.

  62. Amber,

    I totally understand how you feel. And I don’t even run two businesses! There are only so many hours in the day. When my mom was raising us kids, she was really stressing over how she never had time to clean the house. Now here I am in the same situation.. and a older friend of her said “when you pass on, not a single person is going to say Wow, she had a clean house! They are going to talk about your heart and what kind of a person you are”. My mom shared that with me and it helps sometimes πŸ™‚

    Lots of love,

    Kat

  63. Love your post, I think we all feel like this sometimes in this crazy paced world. It is impossible to make everyone happy all the time, wether they are family, work colleagues or just a random stranger at the supermarket… we need to choose who and what we give our time and attention to in order to stay happy and balanced ourselves. On the tough days, I just tell myself that all other moms feel like I do at times, it is absolutely impossible that they don’t as we are all human and we all live on the same planet. As simple as that! Take care xx

  64. Hey beuatiful Amber! Thanks so much for being transparent. Many feel this way, or have in the past. (I have,) It’s tough to “do it all”. As a Life Coach, my first question to you would be, of all those things that buzz around your head, which are the most important to you for this season of life? Feeding the kids? Taking steps to connect with David? Doing a blog post? Building your business? Whatever the top priorities are, tackle them first. The rest can wait. Making a list in the evening (with David) for the next day’s priorities may help, but what’s important is to come up with a system that will foster peace for your heart. I can say this: after being married 30 years and raising two kids (plus running a small business), small things – like having a clean house constantly or everything organized – can be put on the back burner. Every season has a priority and your little ones, husband, and business seem to be what’s important right now. Even calls to family can be done less often if needed. (A conversation with them beforehand about your schedule can help.) When you set healthy boundaries with the things that can wait, stress lessens. Getting clear on your priorities for this particular season helps, too. At least it does/did for me. πŸ™‚ Even though I’m old enough to be your mother, I check your blog every day. You’re an awesome woman, and I love seeing your life and success. You ARE enough, and are doing enough.

  65. Amber you always seem to be such a ray of light and it gives me inspiration to be a good mom, wife, and woman! Thank you for being real. Your not the only one who leaves food on the floor to dry. Rice is the worst! Lol. Give your self some slack you are incredibly busy and have a ton on your plate. Thank you for being my happy inspiration!

  66. Hi dear,
    Don’t you worry, you are part of a huge popullation of women that are over-stressed. The thing to keep in mind is you are not perfect, and NO ONE on this planet is! I definitely do not have as many responsibilities as you do and can only imagine how hard it is. I know you may disagree with this but the ultimate “Dwelling” place can only be found through God. You will never please everyone and probably need to work your butt off to be even half the standards you set for yourself. I know you will probably get dozens of comments with organization tips and other stress relieving methods, which is great! Treat yourself to a nice bath girl! But all of that may help you suppress your stress instead of dealing with it. Often times, this is true for myself as well, we focus on the things that are in the tangible distance, like tomorrow or a couple of years from now, but we forget about the millions of years of eternity. So sorry for the rant but I believe this is the ultimate truth and solution. Seek to please God above all things! Lots of love to you and your little munchkins!

    P.S. perfect moms do exist (in the eyes of their children).

  67. I love that you wrote this! I get the same way and I don’t even have kids yet. My husband is my absolute rock- he rarely gets stressed about anything so totally lets me vent and freak out and then turns to me and says, “Okay, take a deep breath. One thing at a time” and he totally goes through my list with me and makes me realize that half of those things on my to-do list aren’t really that important! I don’t even know how I managed my freak outs before him.

    xoxo, Christine
    http://www.shesjustmysister.com

  68. My cleaning routine is greatly helped by the dog…. does that count too? I’m sure Chauncey helps you out, what would we do without them?!

  69. Hey Amber,

    First, I love that you posted this because I completely relate, and I think it’s so helpful to be honest and open about struggles so we can learn from others, grow and be encouraged. Second, I think this is so relatable because we live in a world where there are endless demands placed on us at any given moment. Sometimes they are goals and expectations we have for ourselves or the ones we feel from others. Regardless, I think it’s easy to feel like everyone else has their life together and is accomplishing all the little things we aren’t. It makes our souls ache because it is exhausting to feel the burden of never getting enough done, and that’s why I think this post is so important. I think that moving through life with a slower rhythm is so good. Making a plan and focusing on the expectations that are realistic versus the ones that aren’t and being able to say no to the things that aren’t necessary have been helpful for me. And honestly, I just pray that God would help me to see the things that are important to Him and pursue those. Often my ideas of sucess and accomplishment for the day are usually so much different and hurried than the ones He has for me. I think this helps me gain a new perspective on where the stress comes from and how to move forward with love and balance while still doing the things I was created to do. Thank you so much for sharing β€” I think your words will really resonate and create goodness and much needed conversation!
    http://www.thegoldenkate.com

  70. My mom always said, “Action cures fear” with fear representing feelings like stress, anxiety, true fear, etc. and I always think about that saying when I feel like I am pushing things off and procrastinating (basically, when I didn’t want to do my homework ;)). As soon as I take care of something on your mind or on your list, I always feel a million times better. I also think, “what’s the worst thing that could happen because I forgot to do [something]” and try to be realistic about what will truly happen. At the end of the day, just give yourself some slack! You’re killing it! Everything always works out! πŸ™‚

  71. I would say to put less priority on the gym. A half hour 3x a week is fine or instead, combine exercise and family time like just going on nice walks, do mommy/child yoga. I think sometimes you have to put aside your own body vanity for your family, especially when you’re worried about time.

  72. These pictures are so beautiful! Amazing couple:)
    Yes the most important thing is to schedule, so you can have more time. I try to schedule everything, because with a full time job, plus my blog I don’t have so much time for my self and for my boyfriend.
    Have a great week!
    http://www.ericavoyage.com

  73. i have always been a worrier, and since developing ptsd in my teen years my anxiety has been really difficult to deal with. over the past couple years i have found a few things that work really well for me, though! first, mindfulness meditation is the Best thing i can recommend for anyone who feels too anxious or stressed! whenever you start to get overwhelmed, pause, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. after a few seconds, bring your attention to your feet and notice the sensations in them (are they hot/cold? how do your socks or shoes feel against your skin? can you feel pressure from your body pushing them into the floor?) and then bring your attention up your legs into your torso, and then down your arms (all the while noticing the physical sensations), and then back to your breath. this can literally take less than a minute or 20 minutes, depending on what’s comfortable for you. drinking water also helps ground me when i’m getting too stressed, just taking a five minute break, drink some water, and then i feel refreshed and ready to get back to my to-do list.

    and re: to do lists, i have a few things that have been working really well for me. 1st, bullet journaling, i know a lot of people think it’s too much work to draw out your own planner but the basic original concept has helped me a lot, especially the concept of “migration” (the idea is that if you make a to do list every day or every week, and you have to move over your unfinished tasks manually, you will eventually realize that a task that you’ve written down 10 times and have made no attempt to get done is probably not that important/urgent anyway). 2nd, i make a to do list on a white board every morning (you could also use paper or your phone, but if you use your phone limit yourself to 10-15 items) and i write down EVERYTHING so it looks like “wake up, go to the bathroom, drink lemon water, eat breakfast, wash dishes, brush teeth, get dressed, make grocery list, go to the grocery store, come home, put groceries away” and so on, and i just write until i’ve filled up my white board. once i’ve done everything on it, i erase it and then write a new updated list. this is helpful for me because i am super unfocused and so i will be like mid-task and start thinking of 5 other things i need to do, so setting this boundary of “don’t worry about other things to do until these 10 things are done” has really helped me stay focused.

    sorry that this was so long, and i hope you find at least some of it helpful!

  74. Chin up buttercup, you are doing a fantastic job! I am a momma in my late 30’s with one kiddo in middle school and the other in elementary. As you grow into your role as wife and momma, you will learn how to manage situations with more finesse. I still have freak out moments, but have learned to shake them off much quicker. Some helpful tricks I do: turn on some music and dance! Set a time limit on how much cleaning you will do. You wanna live your life, not constantly clean up after it πŸ™‚ And I also take one afternoon over the weekend to grocery shop and prepare meals. Even if it’s just three dinners, that gives me a jump start for the week. Give yourself some slack and have fun with your hubby and those babies while they’re still home full time! xo

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